Well, let's start with the hat, ok? On the bald guy. This hat was purchased, say, at Ron Jon's in Cocoa Beach, Florida, during an extended trip away from the Orlando train station. For there are no trains in Cocoa Beach. There are some missiles, or there are some missiles nearby. But hopping on a missile to catch a ride is somewhat more difficult than catching a train in Orlando, although Orlando does offer some train-trams at its reality-replacement offering "Disney World". You can catch a tram quite easily. But a tram is not exactly a train, as any REAL hobo can tell from a distance of several feet.

But is this an authentic hat? Well, is Ron Jon's (which claims to be the world's largest SURF SHOP) a real surf shop? Is there real surfing in Cocoa Beach? Certainly there is some guy who has been verified as an AUTHENTIC SURFER who came from Cocoa Beach. But could he in fact have been verified in Cocoa Beach itself? This logical local lock seems to prove the inauthenticity of the local surf-identity. One leaves, one is then available for authentication.

And what about hats? If one can remove a hat, it has a chance to be authentic. One may also remove a shoe, of course. But a shoe removed from one's head may be automatically redefined as a hat by the very act of removing it from the head. Therefore if the bald guy ever takes the f#*king thing off, it will be a hat by default. But until that time...and he's wearing it whenever this reporter sees him...it is only a proto-hat. Something to be removed...like his proto-hair was, until it fell out or was shaved or whatever.

That's the nature of authenticity. And since "hobo-ness" is cultural and in no way natural, Frank's authenticity is a given.

If ya wanna get rid of this window, close it.